Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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