somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
