Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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