He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
