dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
