she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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