when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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