just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
