He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
