im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
