Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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