I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
