Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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