Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
