Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
