Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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