i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
