You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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