kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
