that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
