umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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