I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
