I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
