My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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