you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
