Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
