do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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