didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
