I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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