So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
