how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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