Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
