I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
