I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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