What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
