I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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