I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
