You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
