how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
