I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
