I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize