Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
