Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
