I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
