dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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