she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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