You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
