Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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