Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
