Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
