Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
