new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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