i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize