Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
