I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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