god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
