I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
