Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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