Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize