I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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