And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
