life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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