Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize