I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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