No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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