It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
