True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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