he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
