the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
