You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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