Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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