Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
