Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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