; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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