I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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