Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
