I've blown a few things in my day
Is it because I queefed?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
