Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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