There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
