So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
