Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
