Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
