just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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