Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
