Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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