If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
