Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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