I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
