His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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