How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
