cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
