So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
