Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
