If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize