I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
