I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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