my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize