i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
