I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just want to make out with him forever
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
