I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
