corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
