I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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