yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude i'm inner monologue high
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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