i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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