He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
